New Sholay - Ram Gopal Varma

And so dear ladies and gentlemen, this Lifetime’s Worst Ever Movie Award goes to Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag, widely reported to be a remake of Sholay Jo Bhadke. The jury was unanimous in awarding it all its topis.. trophies.. whatever.

So imagine, it is my privilege to call upon G P, Sasha, Ramesh and Kiran Sippy to hand over the topi to the producer-director who has literally opened up a can of Varmas. The Worst Film topi has been bagged hands and legs down by RGV who has made a mockery of a classic. May we request all the Misters Sippy to refrain from violence please?

Varma receives his topi and states, “In my very original film, the drunken scene, the propose-to-the-mother-in-law comedy business, heroes called Heero and Zeero, a widow and a chatterbox chulbulli are merely coincidental. I pay tributes to Coppolaji also. If Heero and all have irritated you, I promise to irritate you much more next time. Thanks.”

Wait, do say something about your Worst Director Award. Varma reads from a dialogue chit, “Direction – what, where, when? I was just making ten other movies at the same time. Thanks.”

Huh? And the Worst Actor as well as the Worst Actor in a Negative Role Awards (so much confusion nowadays) goes out to Amitabh Bachchan for the hammiest, over-the-top, yucky delineation of Babban Gabban Singh. May I request my ENT specialist to hand over the topi? Doctor could you please inspect Mr Bachchan’s nose before you hand over the award?

ENT specialist does. The Worst Actor and Negative Role winner laughs, “Ha ha! That was just a Himesh Reshammiya touch. If I dug into my nostrils, it’s because I’m a director’s actor. He also told me to flick my tongue around when a rape scene was in progress. He told me to yell, sit as if all my limbs were in a kathak pose and behave like Jack Nicholson meets Johnny Lever. He also made me wear a potato gunny sack.. very hot it was.. prevented me from a haircut for 100 days.. and painted this little worm on my nose. I dedicate both these topis to him and Kaizaad Gustaad who got me going downhill with Boom.. or was it Jhoom Jhoom?”

Clap clap. The Worst Actress Award have been jointly grabbed by Sushmita Sen who wore hundred kilos of make-up for a suffering, widow’s look.. and to Nasha Kothari for wearing denim fig leaves for skirts. May they please hand over the Worst Awards to each other? Oh, only Miss Sen is here. Wonderful!

Ramu is often referred to as a maverick when it comes to filmmaking in Bollywood but, after watching his adaptation of ‘Sholay’ our opinion has changed. Well, we are not calling him brilliant but, outright crazy to make a mess of the classic.

‘Sholay’ was a cult film of the 1970’s in which Ramesh Sippy had sketched out each character so well that even after 32 years we remember the dialogues. Ramu has been way off with his remake attempt of the classic.

The casting is a major drawback; you can’t cast someone as serious as Ajay Devgan to play the role of Veeru and it goes without saying it was a big blunder. Basanti was one character that we loved despite she chewing our brains with her constant ‘blah blah’; a incompetent actress like Nisha Kothari definitely could not handle it this time; forget charming she actually turned out to be quite exasperating.

Debutante Prashant Raj is average but, Sushmita Sen as Durga is great; she has delivered a powerful performance. Big B has done complete justice to his character of Babban. Although a negative role, we loved Amjad Khan AKA Gabbar in ‘Sholay’ and we can quite say the same about Big B as well.

Mohanlal is awesome and Sushant Singh as Tambe AKA Samba has done a great job. Ramu has recently claimed in his interview that his movie is inspired by ‘Sholay’ but, is not a remake; Guess, the director himself realized what a big blunder he did by attempting ‘Sholay’.

Well, now it’s too late Ramu as the damage is already done.

Audiences have given a thumbs down to the movie. ‘Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag’ as a movie is not awful but, what the problem here is that it fails to live up to ‘Sholay’.

Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag is fantabulous, it is one of the finest films to have graced Bollywood. Ram Gopal Verma is surely a magician to have made a film par excellence. Was this what Ramu expected the audience to mouth out after watching this film? Then these words of appreciation may just be available to Ram Gopal’s ears in some of his fanciest dreams. Oops, did I say dreams. Ok, our dear Ramu is not going to have dreams for quite some time. Sleepless nights and nightmares are all that Ram Gopal Verma is privileged to have after making a film like Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag.

Is Picture Mein Kya Hain ?

Sholay toh dekhi hogi aap logon ne. Ok, then it’s the same  plot. Only the characters get some new weird funny names and the screenplay and dialogues are thrown in an Aag, all the humor, romance, thrills, emotions are removed.  Yes, that sums up Ramu’s Aag.

Ajay pheeka Devgan, Nisha overacting  Kothari , Prashant  expressionless Raj are abysmal, to say the least. There is no chemistry between any of the actors. No romance between the lead pair, no bonds of friendship between the two friends. Absolutely nothing. The badly choreographed songs are a patience testing tool for the audience.

Kuch Toh Achcha Hoga :

Leave the southern accent wali Hindi and Mohanlal does a good job of playing the role that Sanjeev Kumar had immortalized. The Big B shines and dazzles in the role of the dreaded gangster Babban. The way he sneers and thaws, his entire body language and mannerisms deserve full marks. It will not be wrong to say that Big B recreates the magic of Amjad Khan with his own inimitable style.

The background score of the movie and the cinematography are the only two good points on the technical front.

Questions for Ramu?

Could you not come up with a better name for your pathetic remake of Sholay, Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag. Is this all your creative team is capable. “Please give me two tickets for Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag”. Even the guy at the ticket counter laughed when I asked that.

By the way, did you have a casting director for this movie. You did, huh! Ok fire him right now.

And tell me, do you spend crores of rupees on such movies just to torment the naive audience and to torture critics like me. You #$@#@#!!!

Final Verdict

Ram Gopal Verma is no Ramesh Sippy. This Aag is sure to leave  Ramu’s Factory incinerated. As for me, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today ( thanks to Ramu). Hope everything is fine up there. Watch the movie at your own risk!!!

It seems to me that Ram Gopal Varma doesn’t care. Whether you like him or his movies or abhor both to pieces, he doesn’t care.

And so he’s boldly gone ahead and hit the axe on his once-celebrated creativity yet again. But this time he made sure everybody knows whose collar to pull by giving it an evidently ‘Hold-me-responsible’ title, Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag.

Well, you asked for it, Varma!

He believes himself to be the biggest fan of Ramesh Sippy’s gargantuan blockbuster, Sholay and goes all out to destroy everything the legendary film stands for — style, grit, showmanship, chemistry, charisma, star power, technique and masala, with this genuinely boring homage.

For starters, it follows the graph of the original but deviates slightly to dwell into unknown subtexts, which frankly, were best left unknown.

The premise is the same albeit in a contemporary backdrop. Revenge is still the key word. An ex-cop Narsimha (Mohanlal) employs two golden-hearted crooks to avenge the massacre of his family at the hands of Babban (Amitabh Bachchan). Before any of that happens, crook 1, Heero (Ajay Devgan) falls for a motor mouth auto rickshaw driver, Ghungroo (Nisha Kothari). Crook 2 aka Raj Ranade (Prashant Raj) meanwhile, sets his heart on the ghunghat-clad, widowed daughter-in-law (of Narsimha) Durga Devi (Sushmita Sen).

Gabbar, now Babban, doesn’t terrorise the innocent gaonwalas anymore. He’s Mumbai’s underworld wolf who has swapped his bullet belt for Chor Bazaar’s antique staff.

That out of the way, I’ll tell you what’s good about Aag for there’s not much.

The rustic browns and bronzes of Sholay’s mountains and vast rural spaces are replaced with dusty under-construction buildings, factory storerooms and a basti set-up. While Sholay’s earthy palette brilliantly inspired the hues of Omkara’s bucolic picture, cinematographer Amit Roy shoots familiar Mumbai’s rundown lanes with efficiently composed angles and understated lighting. Though the camera’s obsession with Nisha Kothari’s butt is most off-putting.

What’s not good?

Think Sholay. Think dialogues. Think Aag. Keep thinking. Here, ‘Kitne aadmi the?’ is reduced to ‘Kitne?’ and ‘Yeh Ramgarh wale apni chokariyon ko kaun chakki ka atta khilate hain?’ is tamely altered to ‘Kya khaati hai re tu’? Writers Sajid-Farhad, unfortunately, lack the sensibility and mirth of Salim-Javed’s crisp drama and keen wit. But the duo sure seems to watch a lot of news. All their analogies designed around Big B’s punch lines are born out of the ongoing US-Iraq/Al Qaeda conflict.

While Sholay left behind a legacy of memorable characters like Gabbar, Thakur, Jai, Veeru, Basanti, Soorma Bhopali, Mausi and even Dhanno, Aag is, essentially, about Babban and everything he does. The rest is all incidental, even Narsimha getting back at him.

The opening credits smugly declare: Introducing Amitabh Bachchan as Babban. Needless to say, it’s an unimpressive debut. Big B going on a hamming spree. Unlike his performance in Aks [Images], where he conveyed ferocity with finesse and restraint, here he’s just plain weird and batty. The tuberculosis-like laughter only adds to our disbelief.

Aag doesn’t evoke any fond nostalgia. Even when AB re-lives some of his Jai memories, playing the mouth organ and whispering ‘Sholay, sholay, sholay�’ or when the old Jai comes face to face with the new one, no golden moment here.

Ramu’s obsession with Sholay’s Gabbar is almost sweet, in a nightmarish way. It’s like you are led inside a little guy’s head (he must have been a boy when Sholay came out in 1970s) and his fascination with a larger-than-life big bad bearded boy from the movies. Being Ramu, anyone? Only if Charlie Kaufman is writing.

Watching a whole scale destruction of some of your favourite scenes in Sholay isn’t a pleasant sight. Heero’s drunken fury, for one, is quite an anti-climax to the famous ‘Gaonwalon’ sequence. Also imagine Helen having a post-Mehbooba yak with Gabbar. Shuddering thought, you may think. But curious Ramu finds out with an extended and meaningless scene between Urmila Matondkar (outdoing Daud’s skin show in a kinky version of Mehbooba, also featuring an unnecessary Abhishek Bachchan [Images]) and AB.

While casting remains an unsurpassed ace in Sholay’s glory trove, Aag could volunteer as a model for miscasting. There’s no chemistry between Heero and Raj, Heero and Ghungroo, Raj and Durga, Durga and Narsimha, Narsimha and Babban or Babban and us.

Sushmita Sen conveys the strength of her Durga with refined grace while Prashant Raj (bears a striking resemblance to Heroes’ Sylar and speaks with a thick Punjabi twang even when he’s playing a Maharashtrian guy) shows spark.

Ajay Devgan is completely wasted in a role that doesn’t do anything for him. The National award-winner is just one of the many guys in the frame, albeit a thug who wears designer crinkled shirts. His leading lady, Nisha Kothari, as seen in James and Shiva, continues to confuse making faces for acting. Mohanlal is suitably subdued and the most believable of them all.

Another letdown is the film’s action. Ramu’s films have always boasted of breathtaking thrills and Aag naturally begs for such treatment. But save for Bachchan going ‘poof’ in everyone’s face, there’s not really any hard-hitting dhishkyaon or dishoom. Key characters are bumped off so casually that you’re not even sure they really died. It’s not even funny. Hell, Aag isn’t even corny. Instead, it’s flat as a lasagna sheet. Oh how you miss the bustling horses of Sholay!

The simple reason why Aag fails at every level is that it doesn’t evoke an ounce of fear. In the seventies, when Gabbar Singh happened, viewers were only used to nasty oppressive landlords or gun-totting bandits. Gabbar was not just evil. He rejoiced in it too — a vicious and crazy dacoit who enjoyed slow torture. That’s what made him so daunting. He was, perhaps, one of the earliest cold-blooded tyrants in Hindi cinema’s history of villains. Since then his legacy has been carried forward with ferocious enthusiasm through reel-life criminals like Mogambo, Dr Dang, Kesariya Vilayti and Langda Tyagi.

Babban comes to an audience immune to gore, violence and persecution. No matter how hard AB dilates his pupils or growls like a Bengal tiger, he isn’t creepy enough.

Going by the feedback in the theatre, Aag is bound to receive extreme reactions. But then, like I said earlier, RGV doesn’t seem to care. You know what? Ditto.

It was a very non-fiery premiere for Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag at Mumbai’s Cinemax Theatre; and feel the magic of Sholay, the highest grossing film of all times in India.

For a much hyped remake, Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag had a quiet premiere at Mumbai’s Cinemax Theatre. However, that did not stop the film’s biggest star, Amitabh Bachchan, from hurriedly expressing his high expectations from the flick.

“Obviously, we are very excited on this day since the film is all set for release,” he said.

Nonetheless, despite the Big B casting his aura over all, the absence of actors Ajay Devgan and Mohanlal’s stood out, though the ‘wannashines’ of the cast — Nisha Kothari and Prashant Raj — valiantly tried to make up for that.

“I am a little nervous because the film will be seen by the public on Friday,” said Nisha Kothari.

Added Prashant Raj, “I have seen the movie and I really like it. I think it will be a big hit.”

RGV Ki Aag came into focus right from the moment it was called an unofficial remake of the cult Bollywood blockbuster, Sholay, which is one of the reasons why the guests at the premiere were looking forward to the filmmaker’s interpretation.

One of the guests at the big night, actor Ritesh Deshmukh, said that he was sure the audience would like RGV’s version. “Ramu is a unique filmmaker. The movie is projected as a contemporary film. In today’s time, 2007, if Sholay had to happen in Bombay with the same characters, what would happen?”

Added singer Adnan Sami, “I have come here for Mr Bachchan as Babban. When I saw his get up and saw the promos, I felt, ‘My God, he looks amazing.”

Despite these votes of confidence, the response at the premiere was less than exciting and the only thing now that Aag’s makers can hope for is that the box office fire burns a bit more bright than what they saw on the opening night.

Writing out a review for Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag amounts to dignifying this third-rate film with a studied observation on its plot, its characters and its treatment. And believe me, that’s more thought and effort than the film’s director has put into it.

I can’t come up with appropriate enough words to describe the horror I felt sitting in that cinema watching Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag, the director’s half-hearted attempt to pay tribute to that classic Bollywood western, Sholay.

The biggest problem with Varma’s remake is that he doesn’t even try to make a credible film. It’s evident in every single frame of this movie that Varma’s heart is just not in it.

What you see on screen is a bad joke at best, a gimmick on the part of the filmmaker, and it pains you to see what little regard he actually shows for a film he claims he’s been a fan of all his life.

In my job as a film critic I’ve seen several bad films over the years, but I can’t remember one that’s been as much of a torture to sit through as this one. Consider yourself very brave if you’re able to survive the entire film, because it tests your patience like few films have before.

Varma may borrow his plot and characters from the original film, but his version is trite and hollow and doesn’t have any of the spirit and energy of Sholay.

Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag is actually a mockery of that timeless gem because it turns out to be everything that the original film was not - way-over-the-top, too-long-too-boring, and entirely mindless.

Much-loved moments from Sholay are parodied by Varma and for that you want to wring his neck. One of the most memorable scenes in Sholay in which Dharmendra as Veeru climbs up the watertank and threatens to jump down to his death is turned around in this film with Ajay Devgan playing Hero, pulling a pistol to his head threatening to shoot himself. How you wish he’d pulled the trigger and spared us all the agony.

Not only does Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag fail as a remake of Sholay, it’s a pretty bad effort even as a stand-alone film.

The eardrum-damaging background score sounds more like someone clanging vessels in the kitchen, and the camerawork alternates between dramatic and head-spinning.

Partners in this terrible crime of bringing this ridiculous film to screen are the film’s mostly dead-as-wood actors.

Sushmita Sen as Devi the widow takes both her role and the film too seriously, punctuating her lines with pauses, staring into camera for effect, and generally performing like her life depends upon it.

Mohanlal as Narsimha, struggles with his Hindi dialogue and looks embarrassed to be delivering some of the stupidest lines in his illustrious career.

Newcomer Prashant Raj playing Jai-equivalent Raj has no acting chops to speak of and can’t strum up any of the brooding intensity Amitabh Bachchan brought to the part in the original film.

As Hero, the new-age Veeru, Ajay Devgan is entirely hopeless, failing miserably in his attempts at comedy.

But the film’s weakest link, easily the most shocking casting decision is Nisha Kothari as Ghunghroo, who steps into the shoes of Hema Malini as Basanti, the endearing airhead from Sholay. Nisha Kothari is not only the worst actress in this country, but possibly the worst actress in this whole wide world, she gives the word annoying a whole new meaning, and she makes you want to slit your wrists every time she’s on screen.

And then, there is Amitabh Bachchan playing Babban Singh, Ramgopal Varma’s version of Hindi cinema’s most popular villain Gabbar Singh. The only actor in this ensemble who recognises the film’s over-the-top tone and plays along accordingly, Bachchan constructs a menacing character who is a treat to watch. He’s meant to be a comic book villain who snarls and sneers and hisses and hams, and he does all of that to good effect.

But because he’s trapped in such a doomed enterprise, his performance doesn’t really help elevate the film in any way.

No surprises here, I’m going with zero out of five and two thumbs down for Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag, it one’s of those painful movie-watching experiences you wouldn’t subject even an enemy to.

It’s not like Varma hasn’t handled a remake before. With Sarkar he gave us a smart, gripping take on The Godfather, and it’s a pity he’s made this Sholay bhature out of such a much-loved classic.

Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag is his worst career decision ever, it’s also a dark spot on his resume he’ll be embarrassed of forever. I suspect this film will go down in movie history as Ramgopal Varma Ka Daag.

Will Ramgopal Varma Ki Aag set the box office on fire? Here are some of the first reactions.

One of the most awaited films of the year, ‘Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag’ has finally hit theatres today (August 31), but will it attract the audiences? Even though the film may boast of some of Bollywood’s biggest actors in its starcast, the premiere of the modernized version of Sholay was anything but starry.

Though hopes are high and the buzz exciting with reams of newsprint and TV airtime having gone into dissecting every aspect of ‘Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag; - the rather lack-lustre premiere certainly seemed to dim the promise of a box office home-run for Verma’s interpretation, something that even the filmmaker doesn’t try hard to deny.

“My expectations? I think many people will hate the film,” said Varma matter-of-factly before sauntering away from out cameras.

While most of the Bollywood fraternity was conspicious of their absence for reasons best known to them, even some of the film’s cast itself chose to distance themselves from ‘RGV Ki Aag’, while some seemed quite clueless as to what to expect from the Maverick.

“I don’t know exactly what to expect, because have come here with a blank slate right now,” said a non-committal Ritesh Desmukh.

But the star glitter - or rather the lack of it - hardly seemed to affect the ensemble. The cast seemed quite optimistic about the Varma experiment

“Yes, I have watched it I have really liked it, it is a very fast moving film with a modern 2007 backdrop and our generation, I think, is really going to enjoy it,” said Prashant Raj who plays the modern-day Jai.

“Our expectations are going to be good, and high and hopeful, we have done our work and I hope that people like it,” said Vijay-turned-Gabbar (Babban), Amitabh Bachchan.

So, will the controversies and not to mention Ms Mataondkar’s gyrating ring in the turn-stiles at the box-office?

This Sunday, when Seemaab Khan turns up to bat during his Kanga League A division game, he is expecting to hear an old sledge line that he actually loves to hear: “arre o bowler, kitne wicket baki hain” — from a close-in fielder.

Seemaab is the son of the late Amjad Khan, Sholay’s Gabbar. And with Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag — a contemporary take on the original blockbuster — being released on Friday, maidan cricketers wouldn’t miss a chance to rib Seemaab.

The 25-year-old soft-spoken star son, who is into theatre production on weekdays and is a serious, solid batsman and occasional leg-spinner on weekends, smiles when asked about Varma’s film.

“I’m definitely going to watch this movie. From the promos it seems this movie isn’t like the old one. But I’m in favour of remakes. The important thing for me is to watch Amitji (Amitabh Bachchan) play Babban, which they say is based on Gabbar Singh,” says Seemaab.

When Seemaab was 10, he lost his doting dad, but the memories of his father encouraging him to bunk school for cricket are vivid.

Seemaab adds: “My mother recalls my father’s first day on the sets of Sholay. He had to give 17 retakes for his first shot and he was in tears when he called my mother in the night. He insisted that he was sure to be sacked.”

Those fears were unfounded as Amjad Khan became the movie’s biggest draw. But Seemaab says that even when the movie was released people had doubts. “The initial rushes were not satisfactory and there were suggestions that Gabbar Singh’s voice be re-dubbed by someone else. But Amitji and Sippy saab (director Ramesh Sippy) insisted on waiting for a few days,” he says as he talks about a tarot reader who had told Sippy that the movie would run for five years and Amjad Khan would be the reason.

In his initial years as a cricketer, Seemaab didn’t want to be seen as taking advantage of his father’s popularity. “Once he wanted to accompany me to the Ramakant Achrekar Sir’s academy. But I didn’t want people saying that I was included in the academy because of my father,” he says.

It’s this modesty that makes Seemaab a likeable character on the maidan. But that’s also why they would rib him with the ‘kitne wickets hain’ sledge.